Bitter Bitter Selfish Girl.

1. I am entitled to be a bitch here, and if I offend you GOOD, quite possibly it's in part because the truth hurts.
2. I am selfish, and I've been told so recently by a few different people and once again I'M ENTITLED TO BE SELFISH, because if I didn't care about me, myself, and I WHO WOULD?
3. My entire life can be summed up in 3 words, MY FAMILY SUCKS.


My mother and I never got along, she favored my sister who I've secretly dubbed "the star child." Whenever something bad happened, it was always my fault no matter what, so eventually I made bad things happen-it was the only way I could get her attention and I didn't care if it was negative, it was her attention. My dad took me under his wing and I was a daddy's girl until the day I came home from school and he no longer lived there. My parents got divorced, and they did the typical lets use my kids as leverage bullshit that mature adults do when they realize they hate each other and probably have all this time but they just wanted to feel normal and so gave it a go for as long as they could. Anyway, realize for the love of GOD that this scars your children for life. I can honestly remember my mother asking me to fake cry while she called the ex husband of my step mother because she could not get in contact with my dad and wanted him to contact her by thinking one of the kids got hurt. I also remember asking for things from my dad that I honestly did not want, just to see if he'd buy them for me and my thoughts were, "hey dad, I think you've kinda lost focus on who I am and although I enjoy your company.. DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?!"



Anyway, I just really want to tell them off in so many ways, but that's not who I am. So I'm venting it here in hopes that I can find some closure along the way, or maybe just releasing it will help. I lost custody of my children to a man that I was married to for ten years whom has been violent towards my kids several times and actually has a CPS case against him for giving my son a black eye when he was five years old. It INFURIATES me to know that if I had had the money for a lawyer (I was a stay at home mother and never worked a job before because I graduated from High School with a one month old baby) I would have gained custody of my children. Neither of my parents had the money to help me (so they say) and despite since then me finding a job that pays well enough that I can afford an attorney, the parenting plan is final and there's nothing that can be done about it. SO yea, I'm freaking bitter. I don't think I will ever make an effort to take my kids and visit my parents again, the way I see it is I owe them absolutely nothing and if they wanted to see me or my kids they'd find a way.
I really just wanna scream at the top of my lungs 'HEY GUYS I'M SO FREAKING GLAD YOU GUYS BOTH HAD FRIENDS/FAMILY THAT HELPED YOU FINANCIALLY WHILE YOU GOT DIVORCED, IT MUST HAVE BEEN NICE!!!